Once upon a time, like 3 months or so ago, I decided to start sharing with the free world the playlists of my music collection that make my world go round. I didn't get too far, for reasons I can't discuss. (and that means I can't discuss them... yet. When I get word from Britney's people that I can share, I'll explain my brief hiatus.) I first shared my AmeriCorps Vol. 1 & AmeriCorps Vol. 2 playlists...
AmeriCorps?? What is that??? There really isn't much written word other than that of my playlists on this dot of a blog in the universe about my year in AmeriCorps... (at least, not until I decide to publish our AmeriCorps yearbook for all to see.) I don't expect people to understand why it was a year that shaped me, and I don't expect many people to even read beyond this sentence... I blog about this stuff for my own soul, and for anyone else who either experienced it with me, or chooses to dig a little into my mind. (it's all random, I know.) This playlist consists of songs that take me back to that year, for one reason or another. (and fear not, I detail the reasons right here.)
These might be afterthoughts, but more importantly, they are foreverthoughts...
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WHITE HOUSES by Vanessa Carlton ~ Toni discovered this song not too long after our AmeriCorps term ended, and the lyrics sum up all too well our year together. "Crashed on the floor when I moved in, This little bungalow with some strange new friends, Stay up too late, and I'm too thin, We promise each other it's 'til the end..." I have NO CLUE what possessed me at the age of 27 to up and leave the only life I'd ever known and haul balls to the West Coast on a whim to try and become a better person. I know 'the age of 27' probably sounds old to many, but being 35 as I write this, I still feel 18. (I told you my life is totally random.) Moving from El Dorado, KS to Los Angeles, CA in a day and knowing nobody- but eventually meeting people that would live forever in my heart?? WOW. and we still have "Beer through the nose on an inside joke"
CALIFORNIA by Phantom Planet ~ I moved back to Kansas in June, and in August THE OC premiered on FOX. I thought I was hot stuff, listening to the California lingo on a hot new show and totally understanding it. I later found out that Toni and Mary-Curtis had stumbled upon the filming of THE OC pilot in Malibu a few months prior. WHERE WAS I??? Oh yeah- in Sherman Oaks, where I lived, and where Mary-Kate & Ashley were raised. (That was me trying on my bragging pants, by the way.) THE OC theme song will ALWAYS take me back.
TRIP AROUND THE SUN by Jimmy Buffett w/ Martina McBride ~ I constantly refer to my year in AmeriCorps as my trip around the sun... I know it was something so huge in my life, but I secretly hope I have frequent flier miles and that maybe I have a few return engagements up my sleeve. I'm not beyond believing I might have a few more trips around the sun in my life. "I'm just hanging on while this old world keeps spinning, And it's good to know it's out of my control, If there's one thing that I've learned from all this living, Is that it wouldn't change a thing if I let go..."
CAN'T TAKE THAT AWAY by Mariah Carey ~ On the serious side, the lyrics alone can tell the story of my life and why I choose to make Jimmie Taylor decisions.
"They can say, Anything they want to say, Try to bring me down, But I will not allow anyone to succeed hanging clouds over me, And they can try hard to make me feel that I, Don't matter at all, But I refuse to falter in what I believe or loose faith in my dreams 'Cause there's, There's a light in me, That shines brightly, They can try, But they can't take that away from me" Now for the funny side?? Poor Mary-Curtis... who, while on DR (aka Disaster Relief) with me in Oklahoma City, was held captive in our rental car while I made sure she heard and understood these exact lyrics. My bad.
I'D LIKE TO TEACH THE WORLD TO SING by The New Seekers ~ Cheese Ball Alert!! Make fun of this song if you must, but this simple song (to me) is the very idea of what AmeriCorps is all about. I joined a group of total strangers from all corners of the US, because in our own way, we each wanted to build the world a home. I think, nearly 8 years later, we still find our own ways to furnish that world with love.
LOVE IS AN ARMY by LeAnn Rimes ~ I discovered this song the day LeAnn's TWISTED ANGEL album was released, and I had a personal connection to it immediately. When LeAnn performed this song at the Academy of Country Music Awards in May of 2003, I was in Oklahoma City with MC on DR for the tornadoes. I watched LeAnn perform it on my little hotel TV and that deep connection suddenly ran deeper. MC and I were there helping people who had lost nearly everything... and we were there with our own little army. Love.
LA SONG by Beth Hart ~ The funniest part about returning to Kansas after a year out on the Left Coast was how much I found myself identifying with so much stuff on TV about Los Angeles, even in repeats. I discovered this song while watching a 90210 episode from the final season. (I would fill you in that it was Gina Kincaid's last episode, who was Donna's cousin/sister, but then I would have to go off for a few paragraphs about how much I disliked that entire avenue, and it's just not worth it.) Point being: when I first heard the song as a KS guy when it first aired, I paid no attention. When I heard it again after having lived in LA, I soaked it in. "Man I gotta get outta this town , Man I gotta get outta this pain , Man I gotta get outta this town , Outta this town & out of L.A." (rest in peace, Doc Martin!!)
SK8R BOI by Avril Lavigne ~ There is really no deep, hidden meaning why this song is an afterthought. Truth is, this song blew up in my first few months of living in LA, and I decided that I wanted to be Avril for Halloween. My plans didn't pan out, so instead, I dressed as a SK8R BOI (if you will) while I went to West Hollywood with my roomies Syp & Deej (and SUZY SUZUKI, RN) to see P!NK in concert... I still have my tiny skateboard, and somewhere in this world is a bitter bitch who took a butterfly wing to the face. It was Halloween in West Hollywood, what did she expect?
HERE'S TO THE NIGHT by Eve 6 ~ This is a song I had a connection to without having any real connection to, if that makes sense. Once I moved back to Kansas and I heard it, this song went to another level. "Here's to the nights we felt alive, Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry, Here's to goodbye tomorrow's gonna come too soon" Guess what? Tomorrow came too soon.
NIGHTS I CAN'T REMEMBER, FRIENDS I'LL NEVER FORGET by Toby Keith ~ Before anyone gets the wrong idea, I remember more than I don't. And on that note... I guarantee we were "Pushin' everythin' we did to the limit, Livin' right out on the edge of the world." On top of that, I can say: "We did it our way lookin' back on the good days, There's still not a lot I regret, Nights I Can't Remember, Friends I'll Never Forget." I PROMISE.
COME HOME by Debbie Gibson ~ I know my original plan when I moved to LA was to stay there, do my AmeriCorps term, move on to something bigger and be discovered. Within my second month of living there, I knew I would be returning home to Kansas. It took me separating myself from everything I had ever known to appreciate what was mine all along. Am I trying to sound smart and poignant?? Not at all. That's truly how it happened. "Growing up so strong, but you're not made of stone , Isn't it nice to come home?" Yes. It is.
HOLD AN OLD FRIEND'S HAND by Tiffany ~ Our reunions aren't as frequent as the years have passed, but whenever we do get back together, it's like holding an old friend's hand. "I don't believe it hurts to grow, even when the crop you sow is a failure." (Did anybody catch that I have a Deb Gib & a Tiffany song back-to-back? Classic Jims.)
WE CAN by LeAnn Rimes ~ Legally Blonde 2 was about to be released when I moved home, and Elle Woods was all over LA. I don't remember why I didn't have any friends in Kansas that would go see that movie with me, but I do remember sitting at the drive-in alone with my window down and being eaten alive by mosquitoes. (I won't go into detail about my trip to the ER because I thought I fell victim to the West Nile virus and I thought I was dying.) I was pumped that LeAnn recorded this song for the soundtrack, and I fell in love with the video. When the movie was released on DVD & included LeAnn's video, I took it with me when I returned to LA for a visit. I remember sitting in my former little living room with my former apartmates singing "with our one voice, one heart, two hands- we can." Kind of sounds like an AmeriCorps anthem.
BEAUTIFUL GOODBYE by Jennifer Hanson ~ Annoyed with reading lyrics yet? Sometimes the entire lyrics of a song sum up an entire experience for me. This would be one of those songs. This was released to country radio right at the end of our time together and it couldn't have been more perfect timing. I was sad to be leaving my new life, but anxious to return home. "It's like the most amazing sunset you've ever seen, There's never another quite the same, It just falls into some deep eternal sea, Like the end of a movie that makes you cry, You're sad when it's over but you're glad you had, That moment that moved you deep inside. Beautiful goodbye, baby goodbye, I enjoyed the ride, we really had us a time,It's a strange kind of high- A beautiful goodbye."
LOVE'S THE ONLY HOUSE by Martina McBride ~ To know me is to know that this song is my personal anthem. To know me is to also be annoyed at how often I play and/or sing this little number. This song, in a way, is part of the reason I started looking for something like AmeriCorps in my life. I know that I have been blessed with more than anyone deserves, and I think it's so important to give back... to whoever and whenever possible, in any possible way. "so come on down to my house."
ISN'T THAT EVERYTHING by Danielle Peck ~ This is just a random song that reminds me to be thankful for what I have. One of my favorite quotes ever goes a little something like this: "Life isn't about getting what you want. It's about wanting what you have." If I share with you that I heard that come from the mouth of someone on The Real World, would you think less of that quote? *I'll never tell* "I might not have a million dollars in the bank, But I’ve got food on my table and gas in my tank, I might not have designer sheets on a king size bed, But I lay down at night with a roof over my head."
I'VE GOT FRIENDS THAT DO by Tim McGraw ~ If there's a tiny chance someone is still reading this, I'm afraid I'm not done with posting lyrics. This song is basically word for word from my heart and how I feel. The truly great thing about being a part of AmeriCorps was being united with strangers from different parts of the US... coming together because we all had a common interest. I really do have friends that do. "This is for the nobody, The one in the crowd who's got a, Lost look on his face, This is for the down-trodden, The one that the worlds forgotten, Waitin' on a better day, Well I'm in no position to judge 'em, Heaven knows they're just like me, And I'm not alone, In knowing what it's like, To wonder where you're going in this crazy life, And I'm not alone, knowing how it feels, To pray to God and sometimes wonder if he's real, 'Cause I got friends that do."
LIFT ME UP by Backstreet Boys ~ If I could put into words the roller coaster of emotions we all went through during our year, I would. I can't. There is, without question, no way I would have lasted without the friends I made. They lifted me up then, and they continue to lift me up now. "When I'm down on my luck and I'm searching for my soul, When I'm feeling too much and I start to lose control , When I'm down so low that even enemies don't wanna know , You still care for me, say a prayer for me, and I know , Oooh, I like you hangin' around , 'Cause you lift me up when I am upside down , Oooh, you are my favorite sound..."
Sometimes I am in the wrong
I go where I do not belong
believe me I know my faults
I force my will
I walk on coals
I prey on unsuspecting souls
we all do somersaults
Then we land on solid ground
and turn it all around
the first chance we get to make a brand new start
but everything I do
I do with all my heart.
Sometimes I will not look down
I trip and fall and scrape the ground
cause I thought I knew all
But every twist and every turn
and every time I live and learn
it comes down to that fall.
cause the pain was mine all mine
and nothing human or divine
could make me put that horse before that cart
backwards upside down,
but with all my heart.
there is one you
there is one me
one go round
one short life
use it wisely
sink or fly but fall grasping for stars
cause the thing about our hearts
they're uniquely ours.
once upon a time
when i could stop the world
right on a dime
I never analyzed
I fell straight into passions crows
I struggled heaven only knows
but opened weren't my eyes
to all I could not see
I believed it all could be
so I went there not picking it apart
I saw it whole and with my soul
and yes with all my heart.
somethings in life won't matter
like if you climb the ladder or not
but sit back relax
if you've tried with all your heart.
I go where I do not belong
believe me I know my faults
I force my will
I walk on coals
I prey on unsuspecting souls
we all do somersaults
Then we land on solid ground
and turn it all around
the first chance we get to make a brand new start
but everything I do
I do with all my heart.
Sometimes I will not look down
I trip and fall and scrape the ground
cause I thought I knew all
But every twist and every turn
and every time I live and learn
it comes down to that fall.
cause the pain was mine all mine
and nothing human or divine
could make me put that horse before that cart
backwards upside down,
but with all my heart.
there is one you
there is one me
one go round
one short life
use it wisely
sink or fly but fall grasping for stars
cause the thing about our hearts
they're uniquely ours.
once upon a time
when i could stop the world
right on a dime
I never analyzed
I fell straight into passions crows
I struggled heaven only knows
but opened weren't my eyes
to all I could not see
I believed it all could be
so I went there not picking it apart
I saw it whole and with my soul
and yes with all my heart.
somethings in life won't matter
like if you climb the ladder or not
but sit back relax
if you've tried with all your heart.
